Saturday night my family decides to watch a movie. I am reluctant of the movie choice. I get wigged out by certain types of movies and avoid them like the plague. But thought this one might be fine. But as I watch the movie I feel drawn to read a book that is on my shelf. I am like not reading that book now. It has been on my shelf for about 2 years now unopened. It a book all about building community. I'm not reading a book now about building community. We are in a pandemic hello! Self isolating. So I keep watching the movie all the while this book keeps calling me. Finally a part in the movie really bothers me. Like really really bothers me. Not like the whole movie had not been. But guess this was the straw that broke the camels back. So I leave and go grab this book and I start reading The Turquoise Table. I can't put it down. It is such a good book y'all. This woman is lead to build community and is wondering how to do that. So she buys a picnic table and paints it can you guess? Turquoise of course. Places it in her front yard and encourages her nieghbours to sit at this table. To visit with one another. Eat meals together. Build community. It is a table for community. I finish the book and think to myself. Why Lord why did you lead me to read this now? All week the thoughts have been running through my mind how does one build community during a pandemic and self isolation? Have you had similar thoughts? I have been wrestling with how I am dealing with being stuck inside and not seeing anyone. Other then my husband, two kids, two cats, and a dog. So I have been praying for myself and others. While praying and like I said asking the question how does one build community during a pandemic. Idea one came to me. Netflix Party My daughter gave me this idea. She had heard of this app for Google Chrome. Where you can watch a movie on Netflix with a friend while live chatting. I thought to myself, I'm in a women's bible study. I should plan a night of the week and do this till the self isolating is done. Love it. Then the other day I was out walking and idea two came to mind. Start a virtual book club on Zoom. It is a free site where you can video chat with many people at one time. My bible study group started using it this week for the first time it was great. 15 of us all on one screen. Great way to stay connected. So Tuesdays I have my bible stud, then Wednesdays book club and Thursdays movie night. Also trying to stay connected with all of my close friends and family. By the many technological ways we have available to us. So things are looking up. Tell me how do you build community in your life right now?
Friday, March 27, 2020
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
Coping
Good Morning! It has been a long time since I have wrote on here. I have not felt the need to write. I have also not made writing a habit. I write and pour out my soul as needed. Maybe today is another day to do that. So it is March 25 2020. We as a world are in a pandemic. Their is a virus out there called covid 19. It is flu like. Many around the world are dying from it. It is very catchy. In Canada we have been asked to stay home. Self isolate. If you don't need to go out don't. Most businesses are closed. So no where really to go. My husband is still working and we go once a week and get groceries. Other then going for walks outside. We are staying in. It's the least we can do to help be a part of the solution not part of the problem. We are tying to do our part to help covid 19 not spread. We in our house are all healthy.
So the other day a pastor from my church asked me via text how are you doing? I said good. At that time that is how I felt. But that evening after dinner as my daughter went to her room and my husband and son went to play a video game I felt very alone. I went to my room and cried. Found it very hard to be by myself. Why I have spent many an evening by myself. Why cry now? Then the next day I felt weird. I did not know what to do with myself. Wandered around my house lost. Knew my Tuesday bible study was still planning on meeting in the afternoon. Online trying out the Zoom platform. So I had that to look forward too. Which I very much was. Finally just after lunch I went outside for a walk. Put on some Christian music and felt so much better. Came home to get ready for my Zoom bible study. Zoom is awesome I must say. 15 of us met for bible study. Worked really well. I have 15 wonderful faces looking back at me on my computer screen. We had laughes, we share how we were doing, we watched a video together and had time to pray for one another. It was a great time. Can't wait for next week. The rest of the day goes on I'm thinking I feel fine. Until 3:40 am when I am woken with a jolt!
3:40 sleeping peacefully, I am awoken to a very loud and strange door sound. None of my doors make this sound. Burglar in the house. I wake my husband. He says it's just our son going to the bathroom. Which it was. But his door? The new sound it made that scared me half to death. I lie there processing the tears start to flow. I can't stop them. They just keep coming. At first I thought it's just due to the scare I had I'm fine. But why won't the tears stop? My husband asks what is it? He is sensing something more. I feel like I just need to be hugged and told I'm going to be OK. But I don't feel OK. Anything but OK. So I hug my husband and cry on his naked chest. I start to pour out of me all of these feelings I did not know was inside me. He cuddles me as I cry on and off. I feel like I don't want him to leave. Like I want him to hug me all day. He must have sensed that because he says to me I can only miss work if I am sick. I know that. I really would not ask him to stay home over this. What comes to me at some point is others feel this way too. I am not alone. There will be others who feel worse then me. Even those who would consider suicide over their feelings and circumstances. So as I have been crying I have also been calling on the Holy Spirit to pray for me. Praying over myself again and again. Now praying for the others who feel like me or worse. Maybe I feel this way to be alerted to others who feel this way or worse. To hold them up in prayer.
I caught a bit more sleep after hubby left for work. Thought I woke up feeling better. But then as I received a text asking how I was I started to cry. So still emotional. So how does one process their feelings? I felt maybe blogging about it would help me sort myself out. But I am not sure this will or I can. I may just have to live with my feelings for a bit. Maybe I am to pray through them? How are you dealing with all of this? What are you doing to take care of your self? This is quite the journey we are on.
So the other day a pastor from my church asked me via text how are you doing? I said good. At that time that is how I felt. But that evening after dinner as my daughter went to her room and my husband and son went to play a video game I felt very alone. I went to my room and cried. Found it very hard to be by myself. Why I have spent many an evening by myself. Why cry now? Then the next day I felt weird. I did not know what to do with myself. Wandered around my house lost. Knew my Tuesday bible study was still planning on meeting in the afternoon. Online trying out the Zoom platform. So I had that to look forward too. Which I very much was. Finally just after lunch I went outside for a walk. Put on some Christian music and felt so much better. Came home to get ready for my Zoom bible study. Zoom is awesome I must say. 15 of us met for bible study. Worked really well. I have 15 wonderful faces looking back at me on my computer screen. We had laughes, we share how we were doing, we watched a video together and had time to pray for one another. It was a great time. Can't wait for next week. The rest of the day goes on I'm thinking I feel fine. Until 3:40 am when I am woken with a jolt!
3:40 sleeping peacefully, I am awoken to a very loud and strange door sound. None of my doors make this sound. Burglar in the house. I wake my husband. He says it's just our son going to the bathroom. Which it was. But his door? The new sound it made that scared me half to death. I lie there processing the tears start to flow. I can't stop them. They just keep coming. At first I thought it's just due to the scare I had I'm fine. But why won't the tears stop? My husband asks what is it? He is sensing something more. I feel like I just need to be hugged and told I'm going to be OK. But I don't feel OK. Anything but OK. So I hug my husband and cry on his naked chest. I start to pour out of me all of these feelings I did not know was inside me. He cuddles me as I cry on and off. I feel like I don't want him to leave. Like I want him to hug me all day. He must have sensed that because he says to me I can only miss work if I am sick. I know that. I really would not ask him to stay home over this. What comes to me at some point is others feel this way too. I am not alone. There will be others who feel worse then me. Even those who would consider suicide over their feelings and circumstances. So as I have been crying I have also been calling on the Holy Spirit to pray for me. Praying over myself again and again. Now praying for the others who feel like me or worse. Maybe I feel this way to be alerted to others who feel this way or worse. To hold them up in prayer.
I caught a bit more sleep after hubby left for work. Thought I woke up feeling better. But then as I received a text asking how I was I started to cry. So still emotional. So how does one process their feelings? I felt maybe blogging about it would help me sort myself out. But I am not sure this will or I can. I may just have to live with my feelings for a bit. Maybe I am to pray through them? How are you dealing with all of this? What are you doing to take care of your self? This is quite the journey we are on.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)