What Do You Do When Your Angry At God?

Do you get angry at God? Do you ever swear at Him. Do you ever think not nice thoughts about this God you love? Can you love someone and be angry at the same time? Can you praise Him one moment then curse at Him the next? Can God handle all of ones feelings? Can you handle all of your feelings and what comes out of you? Can you be real with God? I know God wants all of us. Not part. So if all of you brings some undesirable thoughts and feelings I know God can handle it. 

I am on quite the journey at the moment. Last night I went to a women's conference at our church called IF Gathering. Look them up it is a wonderful women's conference. But with all that has been going on with me and I have much more going on. I didn't know if I would be able to be there. You see from talking with other women. We need each other women. We can't and were not meat to do this journey alone. I have discovered that I am perimenopausal. I'm hormonal and my hormones are a mess right now. So I arrive at church and I am not doing well. Feels like I am barely hanging on by a thread. Our church has a coffee shop where we make fancy drinks. It was to be open when I arrived. I lead this coffee shop. But the lady who was to be on was not there. So I jump into action. But I feel now like I can't do this I'm going to start crying. So a lovely lady is standing close by and she is on the prayer team. So I call her over. Tell her all that is going on and she prays. Another team member who is not scheduled to serve jumps into action as well. I tell her that I am about to cry. She says no your not. Then threw some scriptures at me. I started pulling it together. Third lady jumped into action. We were up and operational. But I'm still barely hanging on. 

I go to my table where we will be sitting. I'm sitting with my Thursday morning bible study ladies. Love these ladies. At each spot there is a small hand made purse. Change purse size. I open one up and there is a card inside. Mine said 

On the back side it said 

I was blown away. I showed it to my friend. She said Deborah that is meant for you. That is your seat. I said yes it is. I stuck it in my lanyard behind my name tag. So I could refer to it the whole conference. It was quite the emotional roller coaster ride last night. I was happy one moment, then crying the next. At one point a speaker asked us to turn to the person next to us and tell them the first things that comes to mind when you think of God? Go! I thankfully had no one next to me. The seat was empty. Because the first thing that entered my mind in that moment were swear words. Then after that speaker if I remember correctly we entered a time of worship. I am trying to worship but it's hard to sing through tears. Then this song comes on It is Well. I hear in my head sing these words because they are true. Here are some of the lyrics. 

 

"And through it all, through it all My eyes are on You

And it is well with me So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
The waves and wind still know His name"

Then more just singing it is well with my soul over and over again. I am singing. God asked me to sing this truth so I did. Maybe in singing it it will become my anthem? Maybe it will penetrate deep down? Maybe I can believe it? Just maybe. So glad to be here as hard as it is to be on such an emotional roller coaster. But I am entering today hopeful as to what God has in store for me. I don't know.